The World’s Biggest Birthday Candle For Big Oil’s Best Friend

A modest proposal to J.P. Morgan’s Jamie Dimon as he turns 65

“Forest fire” by Ervins Strauhmanis is licensed with CC BY 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Co-authored with Reverend Billy

Congratulations Jamie Dimon!

The world’s biggest birthday candle is burning for you!

This year you turned 65, the age at which many Americans step away from their jobs and claim a well-deserved retirement. After all you’ve done, you’ve certainly earned the right to do the same. For 20 years you’ve piloted J.P. Morgan Chase to a place where it is now the world’s largest bank commanding $3.4 trillion in assets. Yours is the most recognized name and face of banking in the United States. When the President or Federal Reserve makes an important statement about economic policy, you’re nearly always asked to weigh in. If you retired now, you would be known as the iconic American financial figure of your era, just as J. Pierpont Morgan was in his. You are one of the only banking CEOs who survived the 2008 crash. A dozen other titans fell. You’re still standing and standing tall. Your own personal wealth now exceeds $2 billion.

So, really, it would be perfectly understandable if you retired now.

But if you left J.P. Morgan Chase as it is today, history would record a flaming asterisk next…