The Ozempics
As the games wind down a satirical look at the real competition
Does watching world class athletes going for gold in Paris make you feel, a little . . . heavy?
We in the pharmaceutical industry think that’s plain wrong.
We know you’d like to be better than you are.
Actually, we know you’d like to be the best.
That’s why in the spirit of ancient Greece, modern Paris and the world’s favorite weight loss drug we have created “The Ozempics.”
Over the course of two thrilling weeks, competitors from around the globe will gather over light salads and lean proteins to show that real change is possible, especially if you can get your family physician to write an under-the-table prescription for a double dose even though you told the receptionist you were only going in for a slight pain in your right shoulder.
The Ozempics will be indistinguishable from the “normal” Olympics. In fact 99% of viewers won’t even be able to tell that their televisions are on Ozempics.
Who can compete in the Ozempics?
- Anyone who is ready to be the best
