Leo Tolstoy is Quitting Facebook

After multiple scandals the legendary author is leaving the troubled social network but his trail of historic posts remains

Paul Greenberg
4 min readSep 9, 2021


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July 8th, 1847: Count Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy joined Facebook.

Turgenev wrote on Tolstoy’s wall: Welcome Count! What made you break down after all the monde of belles lettres has already come and gone across these pages?

Tolstoy commented on Turgenev’s comment: Schopenhauer joined.

Turgenev sent Tolstoy a personal message: A confidential warning — Facebook is a catastrophic time-suck for Slavophile and Westernizer alike. Continue and you will never write a really big one. By the way — LOVED The Cossacks. Best thing in the Russian language, EVER!

Tolstoy is reading Turgenev’s collected work.

Tolstoy thinks Turgenev’s writing is putrid and indulgent.

Tolstoy has posted an event: Duel with Turgenev.

Turgenev is attending the event: Duel with Turgenev.

Tolstoy has canceled the event: Duel with Turgenev.

Tolstoy is bored and depressed and embarrassed about the whole duel thing.

Tolstoy is 34 years old!

Tolstoy is too aged and ugly to marry.

Sofia Andreyevna Behrs joined Facebook.

Sofia Andreyevna became a fan of Tolstoy.

Tolstoy became a fan of Sofia Andreyevna.

Sofia Andreyevna added Tolstoy as a friend.

Tolstoy wrote on Sofia Andreyevna’s wall: Aren’t you kind of young to be friending an old count like me?

Tolstoy is in a relationship with Sofia Andreyevna .

Tolstoy and Sofia Andreyevna are married.

Tolstoy and Sofia Andreyevna have seven children.

Tolstoy is proud that despite Turgenev’s warnings he has written a VERY big book AND maintained his friend network on Facebook.

Tolstoy has decided to call his very big book War and Peace.

Sofia Andreyevna finds that a little presumptuous.



Paul Greenberg

New York Times bestselling author of Four Fish as well as The Climate Diet and Goodbye Phone, Hello World paulgreenberg.org